InsaneJournal

Current mood:

rushed

Constrained Desire, Ch 5.
Title: Anger and Agony
Fandom: Saiyuki
Pairings: some 85 (Hakkai x Gojyo) but the series is leading up to, and mainly centering on 38 (Sanzo x Hakkai).
Summary: Sanzo has a rude awakening to the sounds of Gojyo and Hakkai doing the dirty rather loudly in another room. He takes Goku out to the market to get away from it, and when Gojyo shows up it's all he can do to keep from putting a bullet in his brain before he goes back to the inn for a much-needed nap.
Rating: NC-17
Notes: While I try to stick to the manga's version of events as much as possible I also use the anime for reference and occasionally re-word sentences when structure is confusing, the wording doesn't make sense, or when it suits my purpose. So there. :P
All comments and critiques are welcomed and cherished. <3

Sanzo was fast asleep when it started. The slight sounds coming from the other room barely even registered in his unconscious ears. Then they got louder, entering the subconscious world of his dreams. He rolled over in his bed and tried to ignore it, but the disturbing noise kept on growing louder and louder, until he just couldn't sleep anymore. His eyes popped open and he sat up a bed, pulling a cigarette out of his robes and lighting it up. Now that he was awake and could pay attention, he could better discern what the noises were. He could hear the the squeaking sound of mattress coils bouncing up and down, the low, sultry moans that were obviously made by Gojyo, accented by Hakkai's passionate, more high-pitched cries.

“I'm gonna fuckin' kill them both.” he muttered to himself.

Although, he couldn't help but wonder why they were being so noisy now. Usually they were pretty quiet. “Shit, maybe I shouldn't have told him to talk to Gojyo.” He pulled himself out of bed and put his clothes on, having no intention of sticking around to hear their little tryst. The annoying sounds continued, prompting him to put his cigarette out and hurry to get away form the place. He didn't want to get a mental image of whatever was going on in that room. Unfortunately, the sounds only grew louder as he entered the hall. He could distinctly hear Hakkai's cry of: “Oh, GOOJYOOOO!”

Along with Gojyo's strained, rumbling: “Ha-kkai... Ha-Hakkai!”

Sanzo clapped his hands over his ears in a futile effort to block out the sound, and when that failed to work, he bolted for the staircase. He ran all the way down the stairs, out of the entrance to the inn, and stopped half-way out into the street, panting for air. He stood there all hunched over, trying to catch his breath and pull out another cigarette.

“Hey, Sanzo!” Goku's familiar voice drifted from behind. He had been sitting idly by the side of the building, using a few stray sticks and stones to draw in the dirt and make a little sand castle. “Did you have trouble sleepin' or something?”

“You... could say that.” Sanzo replied, while straightening up and lighting his smoke.

Goku dropped whatever he was playing with and walked over to the grouchy priest. “What's wrong? You look like you're pissed!”

“Shut up, baka saru!” Sanzo yelled, hitting him over the head with his paper fan.

“Hey, that hurt!” Goku whined, rubbing his head. “Sanzo! Hakkai and Gojyo left me out here alone, and I was bored and I'm SO HUNGRY!”

“I SAID SHUT UP!!!” Sanzo said, whacking him again, and then stomping on the poor kid with his sandal-clad foot.

“Ow, HEY! THAT HURT MORE THAN USUAL!” Goku accused. “Besides... I just wanted to go get some egg rolls, or maybe some mangos, or....”

“Tch, fine. But I won't buy you anything unless you shut up, now.”

“Okay!” Goku replied, with starry eyes, staring up at Sanzo in hopes of some kind of edible treat.

“What a pain in the ass.” Sanzo muttered to himself. Then he and Goku walked down the street toward the market.

Back in Gojyo's room, the springs in the bed had stopped creaking and footsteps moved across the floor. Something made a dull thud against the wall, and then the wanton moans and cries of passion from earlier started back up again.

“Oh, yeah... it's in real deep this time.” Gojyo gloated, after obstinately stuffing his throbbing erection into the other man's body. “You like that, Hakkai?”

“Ah-HAH!” Hakkai cried, struggling to keep his balance while his body was split open by the invading member. He was folded up against the wall in such a way that every time the lascivious kappa made a thrust he could almost walk up the wall on his hands and shins. “Yes, it's just- Aah! Oh!” he cried out, as his lover continued to plunge into him. This is really awkward. He thought. I think I'd like to avoid this position in the future.

“You- wanted it... deeper, right?” Gojyo asked, in between thrusting into Hakkai's body and panting for breath.

“Yes, but- AAAAAHH-HA!” He cried, as the thick shaft lurched inside his body. The way it filled every last inch of him was so intense, he could barely keep his wits about him. “I just wish- we could've done this... the other way!”

Gojyo let out a low, guttural moan, relishing the feel of Hakkai's body squeezing down on his hard member. “If I did that-” he explained, panting for air, “-then... I wouldn't have been able to hit your sweet spot so easily.” To demonstrate, he pulled back and then rammed himself up into Hakkai's body again.

“UWAAAAAAAHH-HA!” Hakkai screamed. That last thrust had hit his prostate so hard that he was seeing stars. He knew he wouldn't be able to hold it in much longer. “G-Gojyo!”

“Oh,YEEAAAH!” Gojyo moaned, thrusting it in sharp, quick jabs. “Just... a little... MORE! YES! THAT'S... IT! HA-AAHHHHA!”

“Go-jyo!” Hakkai gasped. He could feel his lover's cock and squirt inside of him, it was just enough to put him over the edge. He rested his forehead against the wall while his throbbing dick sprayed over everything between his legs.

“I'm gonna put you down now, okay?” Gojyo said, after waiting a few minutes for his orgasm to finally stop throbbing. He slowly took his hands out from under Hakkai's ass and allowed him to extend his legs. However, when he let go, the man nearly toppled over to the side. “Hakkai!” Gojyo cried, catching him just before he hit the floor. “Damn... I didn't hit'cha that hard, did I?”

“I guess I'm just... more tired than I thought I was.” Hakkai replied.

Looking down at the exhausted expression on his face, Gojyo could tell he was really worn out. “I guess I forgot, you haven't been getting enough sleep lately, have you? You can lay down and take a nap in my bed, if you want.”

“No.” Hakkai replied, reaching up to grab onto the bed frame and pull himself to his feet so that Gojyo didn't have to support him anymore. “I should really go back to my own room.”

“Well, in that case, we'd better getcha cleaned up.” Gojyo said, walking over to the sink to get a wet towel. “You've got cum all over ya.”

“Ah ha ha ha.” Hakkai laughed nervously, then he shifted uncomfortably as the stuff trickled down his thighs. Gojyo pulled the used condom off with a plastic snap, and then walked over to the sink. He quickly cleaned himself off and then came back over with a warm, damp towel.

“It's too bad.” He said. “You look good in white.”

“Ha ha ha.” Hakkai laughed, half-mockingly this time. Gojyo smirked and then wiped every last spot of the stuff off of Hakkai's body. Although, he couldn't resist a little playful stroking in the process.

“Unf... Gojyo!” Hakkai protested.

“I know, I know... it's tender, right? Now why don't you turn around so I can do the back?” Hakkai replied with nothing more than an weary groan, as he hoisted himself up so that he could turn his body around. Then he collapsed, allowing the bed frame to hold his weight while his face hit the mattress. Gojyo rudely stuffed his towel-covered hand up between those cheeks and wiped away every last bit of the lube he'd used. Hakkai grunted in objection, but didn't do or say anything else to complain. “There, that should do it.”

Gojyo took the towel back into the kitchen while Hakkai pulled himself back onto his feet. He put his clothes back on and was about to start for the door when he stepped on something slippery. He picked his foot up to find the condom Gojyo had used lying on the floor. “GAAAH!” he gasped, appalled at the very sight of the thing. “Gojyo, don't leave this lying on the floor!”

Gojyo walked back over to Hakkai and looked down at the thing. “Oh, sorry about that.” He lightly replied, as if it were nothing. Then he kicked it to the side.

“Gojyo!” Hakkai protested.

“I'll pick it up in a minute.” he promised, bending down a bit and draping Hakkai's arm over his shoulder. Then he started walking him across the floor. “Come on, we need to get you back to your room, right?”

“Someone could catch a disease!”

“Well, I don't have any disease... and I'm pretty sure you don't either, so everybody should be fine.”

“It's unsanitary!”

“I already told you, I'll pick it up in a minute!”

“Somehow, I don't believe you.” Hakkai sighed.

“Relax.” Gojyo said. He opened the door and they walked out into the hall. Hakkai's room was only one door down, so they got there quickly. Gojyo opened that door, walked Hakkai all the way to the bed, and even helped him lay down on the mattress without hurting himself. “You're a real handful sometimes, ya know that?”

“I could say the same of you, you know.” Hakkai replied. Gojyo just smiled, pulled the blankets out from underneath Hakkai's legs, and tucked him into bed.

“Hey, Hakkai...”

“Yes?”

“You mean a lot more to me than any of those women do. You know that, right?”

“Yes, I-I know that Gojyo.” They looked into each others eyes and smiled for a moment, and then Gojyo bent down to plant a short, soft kiss on Hakkai's lips.

“Sleep well, alright?”

“Please, don't forget to pick up that condom.” Hakkai nagged. That habit of yours is atrocious.

“Aw, give it a rest!” Gojyo said, heading for the door. He paused right before leaving the room and turned back to look at his lover. “Hey, Hakkai... I love ya.” he said, with a flirtatious wink.

“I love you too, Gojyo.”

*****

After walking through the markets for minutes on end in the blistering heat, and listening to that stupid monkey beg for every little morsel of food that he laid eyes on, Sanzo was about to snap. He felt like he'd been running on vapors in the first place. It was bad enough to be kept all night by Gojyo's obnoxious laughing and Hakkai's emotional instability, but to be woken from his nap by the sounds of their fucking was just unbearable. The clouds were all long gone from the sky, and the sun beat down on the shadeless streets so hot that the it felt like an oven. He was melting underneath the several thick layers of fabric that made up his robe and the blue jeans, tight black shirt, and gloves he wore underneath it.

To top all of that off, he had a headache, and the idiot monkey's voice was constantly ringing in his ears. “Meat buns! Egg Rolls! Mangos! Ramen! Hey, Sanzo! Can I have this? Huh, huh? Can I? Please?” That same monotonous annoying tone, over and over and over again. It was driving him insane!

“I swear, I'm going... to kill-”

“Hey there, droppy eyes! What's happening?” Gojyo asked, walking up to rest an arm on the monk's shoulder.

In a flash of movement Sanzo drew the gun out of his robe and shot just fractions of an inch away from the top of Gojyo's head. “GET OFF!!!”

“Holy shit!” Gojyo cried, the sound of the gun shot still ringing in his ears. He had to move his hands up to the top of his head to see whether he'd actually been grazed by the bullet or not. “You almost singed my hair, ASSHOLE!”

“I'll singe more than that if you don't SHUT UP!” Sanzo warned, shoving the gun into the skin right between Gojyo's eyes.

“Gah!” Gojyo choked, frozen in place with his eyes crossed trying to look at the barrel of the gun. Sanzo glared at him for several seconds before he finally got tired of it and put the gun down. “You're in a pissy-ass mood today!” Gojyo angrily accused.

“That's right...” Sanzo returned.,“and if you don't shut it right now I'm gonna shove this gun up your happy little ass and-”

“Hey, where's Hakkai?” Goku asked. Gojyo and Sanzo both stopped their irate bickering to glance awkwardly at the monkey.

Then Gojyo backed away form the gun and spoke. “That guy was pretty tired, so I left him back at the inn to get some rest.” Then another gun shot pierced the air, and even though Gojyo jumped to the side as quickly as he could it still grazed the side of his face. “What the hell was that for!?”

“Watch the monkey.” Sanzo commanded, after turning around and starting to walk away. “I'm going back to the inn.”

“Hey! You can't just leave me here with-” Another gun shot, this one blasting through the dirt at his feet. “I fuckin' hate you.”

“The feeling is mutual.” With those last obnoxious words, Sanzo disappeared into the crowd and left Gojyo and the monkey to stand and gape. It didn't matter what they thought, he was simply too worn out to function. It took so much effort for him just to get past the weary haze in his head and ignore the bleariness of his eyes so that he could walk back to the inn. His whole body felt achy and broken down, right now he needed rest like nothing else. The moment he got through the door to his room he shrugged his robe off, laid down in bed, and passed out. It didn't seem like he'd been asleep for more than a few minutes, but the sun was definitely much lower in the sky when he was awakened by a knock at the door.

“Sanzo? Can I com in?” Sanzo moaned and rolled over in his bed, the door creaked open and Hakkai entered the room. “I've made salad, miso soup, pork ribs, and-”

“-not hungry.” Sanzo replied, in a tone that didn't leave the matter open for discussion. Go away. I'm tired as hell and I'm still holding a grudge against you.

“Oh... well, alright.” Hakkai replied. “I'll just save you something for later.” The click of the door being pulled shut barely registered in Sanzo's mind as he drifted back into hibernation. The next time he woke up darkness covered the sky, pierced only by the twinkling of the distant stars and the soft, pale glow of the moon. He laid there for a moment and tried to close his eyes, but they snapped back open. Like it or not, he was wide awake, and his stomach was starting to growl and ache with emptiness.

He clambered out of bed and walked down to the kitchen. As Hakkai had promised there was some food left out, all wrapped up in neat little packages so that it didn't dry out or go bad. He smirked as he noticed a half-empty bottle of sake on the table. I hope Gojyo plans on drinking that tomorrow. He poured himself a glass, took his food to the table, and then sat down and had a few bites before lighting up a cigarette. He heard a slight noise on the stairs and turned his head to find Hakkai walking into the room.

“Oh, good... it's you.” the green-eyed man said. “I heard a noise down here, so I thought I'd come down and make sure that Goku wasn't getting into the food.” Sanzo purposely ignored Hakkai and took a long drag on his cigarette. Then went back to eating because the last thing he wanted right now was to talk, and he really was very hungry. Hakkai walked over to the table and took a seat next to Sanzo, staring out the window into the streets. He could easily see that Sanzo was upset with him, but he wasn't going to just give up and leave. Thinking back to what he'd done that day, he finally worked up the courage to ask the question: “Did Gojyo and I... disturb your rest earlier?”

“Yes.” Sanzo answered, taking a couple swigs of the sake to wash down the pork. Just so that his meaning wasn't misunderstood, he added in an even more sour tone: “Yes, you did.”

“I'm really very sorry.” Hakkai replied, his voice laced with the familiar tone of guilt. He felt absolutely horrible. Sanzo had been trusting him to handle the situation, and he'd let his guard down. “I guess I wasn't thinking.” Sanzo didn't say a single thing to that. He was too angry to simply push the matter aside like usual, but not stupid enough to torment Hakkai's ever-persistent martyr complex. “I guess you'll have to kill me now.”

“Tch...” Sanzo said. That last comment was really what did it. As if the dramatic pauses and self-loathing jabs were not already too idiotic to bare, he just had to go -there-. “First you and Gojyo had the nerve to wake me in the middle of the night with your obnoxious laughing, then you kept me up with your pathetic whining, and THEN- when I finally had the chance to take a nap!- I awake to the sound of you two fucking like rabbits in the other room!” Hakkai winced painfully at the blunt, yet accurate, accusation. “Do you know that I had to take Goku out to the market- in blistering heat? Listening to his constant cries of: MEAT BUNS! EGG ROLLS! MANGOES!?!”

“Ah ha ha ha...” Hakkai laughed nervously. He was so ashamed, he really couldn't think of anything to say.

Not to mention the splitting headache I had and the constant throbbing pain from the wound in my side. Sanzo thought, but he wasn't about to complain about that out loud. Instead he ended his angry rant and took a few hits of his cigarette before going back to his food. He ate quietly for several minutes, waiting for Hakkai to either say something or go away, but nothing happened. He finished the food, threw out the trash, and then sat back down at the table, knowing that this wasn't over. Finally, the silence began to grate on his nerves. “Because of you my sleep schedule's all messed up. I'm awake when I should be tired and in the morning I sleep all day.” It was really only a half-assed complaint. He couldn't seem to muster all the anger from earlier.

“I guess... I really deserve to die.”

That comment got under Sanzo's skin more than he cared to admit, but then he looked over at that fake smile on Hakkai's face. A transparent mask for what was obviously a hopeless cause. Sanzo didn't feel like there was anything he could do. “Don't be stupid.”

The silence that engulfed them seemed to last for hours, with Hakkai blaming himself for all of his negligent failures while Sanzo sat silently by. He didn't know what else to say. Sure, he was mad at Hakkai, he had every right to be. But he'd never- no matter what the circumstances, be so very eager to take the young man's life. It pissed him off that Hakkai would even think so. Or maybe what bothered him more was the way that the moody brunet treated himself with such contempt. Fuck this... Sanzo thought, getting up out of his seat and walking across the room, toward the stairs. He stopped about half-way up and said: “If you ever let it happen again, -then- I'll kill you.”

“Ha-ha ha ha.” Hakkai laughed nervously, with his face collapsed onto the table. Even after all this... you still want me to live? He sat there, laying his head on the table and listened to the sounds of Sanzo's footsteps fade up the stairs and down the hall. I must be a really bad actor. He concluded. He tried to play his part, with all of his effort. He kept living, kept smiling, kept fighting. He really didn't want to die, at least, not in the way he had back then. Yet somehow he felt as though there was still some part of him that lacked absolution. His life, although he didn't want to throw it away, didn't seem to have much meaning. Some days he felt like nothing more than an empty shell.

Can't you see how hard I'm trying, Sanzo? He wondered. Maybe it was the fact that Sanzo could see how hard he hard to try in order to stay alive that was the problem. When push came to shove he was still only living for everyone else. For Gojyo, Goku, and of course, Sanzo. Still he knew that Sanzo would never be satisfied until he saw that Hakkai could live for himself. Hakkai still wasn't sure he could do something like that. What do I have in myself that is worth living for? Unfortunately, he was unable to answer his own question.