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Constrained Desire, Ch .9
Title: Little Death
Fandom: Saiyuki
Pairings: some 85 (Hakkai x Gojyo) but the series is leading up to, and mainly centering on 38 (Sanzo x Hakkai).
Summary: After Hakkai is done talking to Sanzo, he and Gojyo have a talk. Then the talk turns to kissing, the kissing turns to petting, and so on.... >;3
Rating: NC17
Notes: While I try to stick to the manga's version of events as much as possible I also use the anime for reference and occasionally re-word sentences when structure is confusing, the wording doesn't make sense, or when it suits my purpose. So there. :P

All comments and critiques are welcomed and cherished. <3

As soon as the door was closed, Hakkai leaned up against it and let out a relieved sigh. What a difficult person. He thought. He never would have imagined that Sanzo, who was usually so stubborn and conceited, could possibly have had an experience in the past where he surrendered to such absolute despair. I think I understand now, why you couldn't bare to be around me all those years. It's because, I reminded you of yourself that time. You really wanted nothing more than to forget about that, didn't you? Even though it was Sanzo's way of dealing with things, shoving such an important unresolved issue to the back of one's mind and refusing to deal with it was never an effective strategy. I swear, Sanzo... in some ways, I think you're even worse than me.

“HEY!” Gojyo cried, slamming the door to his room as it flung open. “What the fuck took you so long!? Damn it, Hakkai! Do you have any idea how long I've been waiting?”

“I guess I lost track of time. Ahahaha.”

“LOST TRACK OF TIME?!” Gojyo complained. “Sheesh! Get your ass in here already!” He angrily stormed back into his room, leaving the door open for Hakkai to follow him. Hakkai did as he was told and walked into the room, closing the door behind him. Gojyo was sitting on the edge of the bed looking pretty annoyed, so Hakkai pulled up a chair and sat across from him. “What the hell were you guys doing in there anyway?” Gojyo asked. “First I heard you guys yelling about something, then I heard you laughing your ass off- then there was more arguing, and after that... things were suspiciously quiet for awhile.”

“We were just talking about some things that happened today...” Hakkai explained, “along with some things from the past.” A part of him still couldn't believe what he'd learned. To see Sanzo holding his own gun to his head like that... the very same gun that he'd used to kill so many others. It was just, so unreal. If he didn't know any better, Hakkai would almost think that Sanzo was trying to pull some kind of ruse on him. However, there's no way that what I saw and heard in that room was a lie.

“How's the shitty priest's neck?” Gojyo asked.

“Oh...” Hakkai said, the unexpected question interrupting his thoughts. “It's alright.” Then Gojyo gave him an incredulous look and he had to change his story. “Actually, it's... very badly bruised.” I think I almost crushed his windpipe. “But, it will heal in time.”

“I thought so.” Gojyo said. “It was when you said, “I killed him.” like that. Then I knew... you really thought that he was dead. If that wasn't true... if it really was all a planned act, then you would've said something else. You would've at least pretended to be afraid to say something like that. It was because you seemed honest about it that I knew that you thought it was true.”

“I guess... I'm pretty obvious after all.” Hakkai said, laughing in embarrassment. “Ahaha.”

“Nah... it's just that I know ya too well.” Gojyo said with a wink. “Didn't seem to fool the monkey though, I guess that's just because he knows his owner.”

Hakkai thought it more likely that it was due to Goku's child-like trust in him. Then, there was also the fact that he seemed able to sense the difference between the living and the dead. After all, he had been the one to notice that Chin Yiso wasn't really alive. I really believed that I had killed you, Sanzo. He thought, looking down at his own hands in remembrance of the way they strangled his neck. Even though I did almost kill you, you never let me feel guilty about it whatsoever.

“Anyway....” Gojyo said, getting up from his spot. He walked over to where Hakkai was and stood in front of his chair. “You shouldn't worry about it too much.” He leaned down and gave Hakkai a kiss, gently caressing those luscious lips with his own before he started prodding deeper into that juicy mouth with his tongue. Hakkai groaned into his mouth, and then their tongues danced together, thrusting and then retreating, sliding around inside the slick, torrid environment.

You're always... trying to keep me from blaming myself, aren't you? Hakkai thought. Between you and Sanzo, I swear.... But where Sanzo's manner of silencing his doubts was harsh and unyielding, Gojyo's was kind and caring. He was always there with a word of encouragement, a flirtatious smile, and a welcome diversion from his ceaseless contemplation of events. Gojyo... what would I do without you? Hakkai wondered. Considering the fact that he almost had lost Gojyo just the other day, it was a question he'd been asking himself a lot. He pulled out of their lingering kiss and said: “Shouldn't an injured man be lying in bed?” before kicking Gojyo back onto the mattress.

“Oof!” Gojyo grunted, sprawled across the sheets. “You're jus' using that as an excuse 'cause you wanna be on top!”

Hakkai got up and walked over to the bed, climbing carefully on top of his partner. “That's true...” he admitted, silencing the dispute with a long, hard kiss, but, you don't really seem to mind. Gojyo moaned passionately at the pleasant surprise and laid still while Hakkai's tongue persistently invaded his mouth. He could feel those skillful hands drifting over his body, pulling the jacket off of his shoulders and pushing the shirt up over his chest. Hakkai broke the kiss to say: “But, really Gojyo... I'd feel much better if you took it easy for awhile. ”

“It's like I already said...” Gojyo answered, while pulling the vest down off his arms and then lifting the shirt up over his head, “...my body and 'it' are built strong.” He threw the clothes onto a heap on the bed and then started undoing his belt. “Wanna see?”

“Gojyo...” Hakkai moaned in disappointment, letting his head drop to the sheets. “I was trying to have a sincere moment with you... and you ruined it with your dirty joke.”

“Oh. Sorry.”

“Besides, you really had me worried that day.” Hakkai said, lifting himself back up so that he could watch his hand trace over the wound on Gojyo's chest. “When I watched that thing shoot into your body, I almost felt as though it had pierced my heart as well.”

“Hakkai...” Gojyo trailed off. He was going to say something about how lame that comment was, but the look on that pretty face was just so serious.

“Gojyo... I almost lost you.”

“Ya didn't lose me.” Gojyo said, holding the hand that Hakkai had resting on his chest.

“I was so scared!” Hakkai cried, burying his face in the blankets again. The sound of his sobbing rang in Gojyo's ears.

“Hey...” Gojyo said, wrapping one arm around his back and patting him gently, “do I really have to say it? I won't die that easily.”

“I know that.” Hakkai replied. “It's just...” He couldn't seem to describe in words how he felt that day. At first, he was unable to protect Gojyo from the sudden attack. Then he was powerless to do anything as the blood-thirsty seed started growing in his veins. He watched all the while, knowing that this was his fault. The only reason any of it had happened was because some homicidal lunatic was after him. Then came the resounding boom of Sanzo's gun. I had to stand by and watch you scream in pain, looking down at the blood pouring from that hole in your chest, soaking your shirt. Feeling so afraid for Gojyo's life, it took all that he had just to close the wound.

Hakkai really didn't have to say anything. Gojyo already knew how he had felt that day. He could remember well the wide-eyed look of horror, he thought it wasn't fitting for such a pretty face. Even while his own body was racked with pain, the one thing he was most worried about was how it would all affect Hakkai. He couldn't stand to see him suffer like that. I've been wanting to hold you ever since that time... Gojyo thought, I guess, you're probably feeling the same way. Somehow his mouth was recaptured by Hakkai, plunged into by the insistent, passionate caress of his tongue. Then there were those fingers, nimbly drifting over his chest. That smooth, sensual touch. No matter how many times he felt it, it never failed to make his skin burn and his cock swell with excitement.

Hakkai abruptly broke the kiss and let his mouth trail down Gojyo's jawline and onto his neck. There he licked and sucked at the rough, salty flesh. He knew this person's body like it was his own. He'd memorized every line and curve, and knew exactly which parts ached for his attention. He skillfully manipulated the situation, softly brushing over the skin to create arousal, then making firmer movements to satisfy that need. “Fuck... Hakkai!” Gojyo gasped.

“Shh.” Hakkai warned. “We should really... try to keep it down this time.”

“Yeah...” Gojyo agreed. “I think last time, our sounds of passion bothered Sanzo-sama.”

“Whatever gave you that idea?”

“The number of rounds he shot at me after you went down for a nap.”

“Ahahaha.” Hakkai laughed. He would've said something like: That certainly sounds like Sanzo... but, he really didn't want to think about Sanzo right now. Sanzo was distracting, and the only thing he wanted to focus on right now was the tall, sensuous man sprawled out underneath him. His mouth returned to sucking softly on that delicious patch of skin, wandering down to the collarbone beneath it. He could hear soft gasps from Gojyo's throat, interrupted by his heavy breathing as he made an obvious effort to keep quiet. Hakkai's fingers sank down toward his lover's sculpted abs while his mouth inched it's way down to the wound in his chest. He kissed the tender area softly with closed lips before opening his mouth and touching it gently with his tongue.

“Hakkai....” Gojyo said softly, burying one hand in that shock of brown hair.

“Please... be more careful.”

“Yeah.” After that Hakkai shifted to the right, and sucked hard on Gojyo's nipple. “GAH!”

“Shh!” Hakkai warned, teasing the exposed nub with his lips for a moment before slightly grazing it with his teeth.

“Damn it...” Gojyo softly hissed. “You're makin' it real hard to stay quiet, Hakkai!”

“Is that the only thing I'm making hard?” Hakkai teased, reaching down to grope at the crotch of his lover's pants. His hand rested on something so firm and enlarged that it threatened to bust the fabric and pop out of those pants. “Ah, I guess not! Hahaha.”

“Hey, while you're down there...” Gojyo said suggestively.

Hakkai pushed him self up to a sitting position, straddling Gojyo's legs as he undid the belt that Gojyo had only succeeded in loosening earlier. “Oh, that reminds me...” he said, unbuttoning his trousers and pulling down the zipper. “Grab a few condoms, would you?”

“Yeah, gimme a sec.” Gojyo said, twisting his upper half over the side of the bed. His hands fumbled for the little shoe box he'd kept the things in ever since they'd started on their trip, and he found it and pulled off the lid. “Damn it, Hakkai! Quit usin' all the green ones! Now there's only red and yellow left... and this pretty little pink one. Hey, maybe we should give it to Sanzo-sama!”

“I don't think Sanzo would know how to use it. Ahahaha.” Hakkai said, laughing as he pulled the pants along with Gojyo's underwear down past his waist and onto his legs.

“Come on... that guy has to have done it at some point. Even if it's just with some of the other bald monks at the temple.”

“I don't really think the other monks are his type.” Hakkai pointed out. “Besides, you know that Sanzo would sooner shoot someone than let them touch him.”

“Yeah, but... it's not normal!” Gojyo complained.

Hakkai was inclined to agree. However, he didn't want to discuss the matter right now. Instead of contributing to the conversation, he took off Gojyo's shoes and slid his pants all the way down to his ankles. Then he started pulling the crumpled fabric off of his feet. “Do you have any of the flavored ones left?”

“Lemme check...” Gojyo replied, rummaging through the box. “Aw, this one's cherry-flavored!” he said, tossing it along with one that was banana-yellow up to his lover. Hakkai caught them both in his hands. “Hey, you're gonna need this too, right?” Gojyo asked, tossing up a small bottle of lube as well. Hakkai snatched it out of the air, and set it and the yellow thing on a nearby windowsill. Then he opened the red one, rolling it down over the monstrous erection in front of him. No sooner was it in place then he opened his mouth and followed it down the thick, cherry-flavored phallus. “Oh, yeeaaaaah! That's what Daddy Gojyo likes!”

Hakkai briefly considered biting down on him just then, but he realized that doing so would only cause more noise. Instead he sucked hard on the shaft, working it in and out of his mouth. The sounds of Gojyo's breathless gasps and moans in return were more than enough to satisfy his desire to subjugate that self-conceited talk. With Gojyo distracted, he slid his arms underneath his thighs and lifted them up onto his shoulders. Then he grabbed the lube and squeezed a small amount onto his finger, sliding it in between those cheeks to tease the puckered opening. Gojyo couldn't completely stifle the groans rising from his throat. It felt so good, he had a hard time holding back. His legs trembled at that touch and his muscles tensed, begging for more. He was left breathless as Hakkai's mouth repeatedly descended over his cock, and while that finger buried it's self in his body. “Ha-Hakkai!”

Hakkai would've smiled, if his entire mouth and throat hadn't been full of Gojyo. Hearing his name called out in a tone of such passionate desperation was something he didn't think he'd ever get tired of. Feeling quite pleased with the situation, he continued with his work, stroking the thick shaft up and down with his tongue while his finger located the prostate gland deep within Gojyo's body and attacked it mercilessly. As he did this he could hear Gojyo's panting become more ragged, his muffled cries more strained and frequent. Hakkai continued until he heard a certain noise, a deep-throated groan that Gojyo always made right before his body reached it's peak, and then, he stopped.

Gojyo gasped in protest as the encircling heat lifted off of his cock and he finger withdrew from inside his body. There was so much tension down there that he felt like he was about to explode, his body was aching for it's release. He opened his eyes and looked up at the young man who was now kneeling over him on the bed, sans the monocle and sash, and in the process of unbuttoning the side of his shirt. “Hakkai... damn it! Why did you-?! FUCK!”

“Oh, I'm sorry.” Hakkai politely replied.

“No you're not.” Gojyo accused, letting out a sigh as he laid back and stared up at the ceiling. “Couldn't you have taken that off earlier?”

“I could have.” Hakkai conceded. “But, since I'm doing it now... aren't you going to watch?” Gojyo smirked and looked over that the attractive brunet, who was deftly peeling the shirt off of his chest. Over the years Gojyo had become enamored by the way the flap pulled back to reveal Hakkai's body. That well-defined collarbone, solid pectoral muscles with dark nipples, and the smooth contours of skin around his rippling abs. Even the scar splayed across his belly had become a sexual object somehow.

Hakkai shrugged the rest of the shirt off of his shoulders and let it slide down his arms before tugging on the sleeves all the way off. Putting on a show like this wasn't something he did often. It was a rare stratagem which he used on occasion in order to gain Gojyo's compliance, and persuade him to submit to his every whim. Hakkai got up form the bed and placed the shirt on the table, then he turned back toward Gojyo and looked into his eyes as he slowly and deliberately undid the buckle on his belt.

“Oh, yeah... take it all off, Hakkai!” Gojyo ordered, noticing the huge bulge in his lover's pants. He was definitely ready. Hakkai did as he was told. After undoing the belt he unbuttoned his pants and slowly pulled down the zipper. Then he stuck his thumbs in between his skin and his clothes, and then pulled it all down. Gojyo's eyes were glued to Hakkai as his cock burst out from underneath his clothes. So big and hard.... Gojyo thought. I've got a few ideas about what to do with that. Hakkai proceeded to push everything down to his ankles, and then undid his shoes and stepped out of the crumpled mess. Typically, he couldn't stand leaving something laying on the floor like that, but picking it up and folding it right now would ruin the mood.

“Hey...” Gojyo called. “Get that pretty ass of yours back over here!”

Hakkai smiled and walked back over the to bed, kneeling down on the other end. He grabbed the yellow condom form the windowsill and unwrapped it, rolling it down over his burning erection. Then his hands lifted Gojyo's legs from the sheets and spread them apart in the air. “Are you ready for this?” he asked.

“Yeah, do it!” Gojyo demanded. Hakkai lurched forward and buried himself in Gojyo's body. “YES!”

“Shh!” Hakkai warned, covering his mouth. I don't really want to do this, but... next time, I may have to gag you. It was always a challenge, keeping Gojyo quiet. He wasn't quite sure how he managed it so well, most of the time. Maybe next time I'll take that headband of yours and shove it into your mouth, but for now... He moved his hand our of the way, bent down over Gojyo's body, and kissed him instead. Softly at first, and then he thrust his tongue into that mouth while his hips rocked Gojyo's body.

I hate it when you do this. Gojyo thought, even though it felt incredible to have Hakkai's tongue wrestling around in his mouth while that thick, hot cock was thrusting inside him. He really didn't mind. In fact, it was so good that he couldn't stop himself from groaning passionately into that mouth, but... I can't fuckin' breathe! He had to wrench his head to the side and break the kiss for a moment, just to catch a few breaths of air before Hakkai captured his mouth again. Yes! After that that he was loving every minute of it, the sheer thrill of having Hakkai invading his body in two different places at once. He had to break the kiss one more time, to say: “Hakkai... faster!”

“I'm sorry, but... if I go faster, then you'll come faster.” the green-eyed yokai playfully refused, whispering in his ear. “Besides, I want this to last for awhile, Gojyo.” Then he stopped thrusting for a moment, stuck his tongue out, and licked that ear. Then he proceeded to run his tongue from the top edge down to the sensitive earlobe so that he could nibble on it with his teeth.

“Gah-ah!” Gojyo gasped at the feel of that tongue, so wet and cold against the rim of his ear. He couldn't hold in the moans when he felt those teeth sinking into his skin. He turned his head and broke away from it, but Hakkai followed and stuck his tongue into his ear canal. “Unf! You're really persistent today!” Gojyo complained.

“I'm sorry. I'm not going to just let you get off like usual.” Hakkai replied, bucking his hips into Gojyo's body. He did it gently, slowly, taking time to probe the ardent depths of that body in every direction. Gojyo gasped breathlessly.

“How long are you... plannin' on...?”

I wonder... Hakkai thought to himself. I could probably hold you this way all night, but I'm quite certain that you will tire of it long before then. Instead of answering Gojyo's question he started kissing his face, peppering everything from his hairline down to his chin in butterfly kisses. That was when Gojyo gave up. He simply laid back on the bed, closed his eyes, and allowed Hakkai to take him. He willingly gave his body up to the feel of relentlessly penetrating member and the soft lips traveling across his face.

It wasn't the first time Hakkai had done something like this, but it was really unusual. In the last few years this has happened... what? Once, or twice? Gojyo asked himself, he really couldn't remember. It was usually reserved for special occasions. Like anniversaries, which he also callously forgot about. Then he'd have to apologize until he was blue in the face and find some way to try and make it all up to an angry, sulking Hakkai. But eventually Hakkai forgave him, he always did. Then they made up, something like this. In long, passionate, wordless sessions, in which Hakkai slowly and lovingly worshiped his body. Gojyo never been loved like this by anyone else.

After years of having no one of importance in his life, he had kept telling himself that love wasn't really anything that he wanted. But he did want it, desperately at times. Not that he'd ever allow it to become obvious enough that anyone would catch on. However, Hakkai was too bright to be fooled by his complacent act. It was intimidating at times, being loved by someone whose intellect was as sharp as a shard of glass, yet every bit as fragile. Someone who he swore could see right through his easy-going mask to the truth inside his heart. Maybe I wanted to have someone like this. Someone who will look through my words and find out who I really am inside.

When he had finished kissing every inch of Gojyo's face, Hakkai moved back toward his lover's mouth. He delicately caressed the corners of those lips, and then licked both the top and the bottom from one side to the other, gradually sliding his tongue back into the soft surrounding warmth of that mouth. The truth was that he'd been wanting this for days, but they simply hadn't had the chance to be alone together. They very thought of losing Gojyo had filled him with a terrible dread so overwhelming that he hadn't been able to shake it. He knew that as long as they were on this journey, there was always the chance of losing someone. Their lives were constantly on the line, you could never tell when the next unexpected battle would be. Therefore, he fully planned on making the most of every minute. Holding Gojyo here in his arms, he never wanted to let go.

Some part of him thought: Maybe if I hold you like this... if I just keep holding on to you this way, then... maybe, I'll never have to worry about you leaving me again. It was a vain and foolish hope, he knew. But he wanted to hold on to this person, whether it was something that Gojyo also desired or not. I wanted... no, I -needed-... someone. Anyone... For the same reason that he'd always needed someone, he needed Gojyo now. Having grown up in a pristine, emotionless environment, where the “caretakers” at the orphanage never really cared for him at all, he needed someone in his life. ...love me... This desperate plea permeated all of his being, from his early childhood all the way to the present.

The only gap in a life filled with loneliness, had been Kanan. He had been looking for his sister for years. When they finally found each other, it was the first time in both of their lives that they weren't alone anymore. He didn't care what anyone else said about them being lovers, no one else could possibly understand how they felt. Then one day, she was suddenly taken. When she died, his whole world fell apart. Lying there dying in the street, he could remember the first time he caught sight of those crimson eyes and hair. The color of blood... He really could have almost laughed at the sight, if his insides weren't spilled all over the ground.

You could've let me die on the road... he mused, but then, we never would have had this. At this moment, none of those things mattered anymore. The troubled memories of their pasts, the uncertainty of the future. Because now, in spite of all that they'd both been through, they had each other. Lying on that bed, wrapped in each other's arms, the heat of their two bodies salaciously entwined. If only for this moment... Hakkai thought to himself, Sha Gojyo, you are mine. His tongue sunk deeper into that sensual mouth, which always tasted of tobacco and beer. Then his hips rocked faster, deeper, plunging recklessly into constricting heat of that body. Gojyo groaned into his mouth in that seductively low-pitched tone which meant... Yes. Come for me, Gojyo.

Gojyo did, while moaning desperately into his love's mouth. He came so hard that he swore he could hear the blood rushing through his veins. That part of Hakkai was buried so deep inside of him, his whole body throbbed at the feel of it. His muscles clenched so thick around that invading cock while his own erection throbbed against his belly, spilling his come into the plastic sheath. Hakkai could feel his lover's body squeezing down around him, the familiar sensation of that cock slapping against his skin. The taste of your mouth at this moment is... exquisite. It was the last thought he had time for before his own body tightened and shot his seed deep into the surrounding warmth. He finally broke the kiss and gasped for air, feeling tired and even a little bit dizzy as Gojyo's body continued to squeeze his throbbing erection.

Gojyo couldn't remember the last time he had an orgasm this intense. It just... won't stop. His body was throbbing and squeezing, convulsing underneath the incredible sensation of that touch. “Ha-kkai....” he breathed.

“Gojyo....” Hakkai answered. He laid down on top of his lover's body, no longer able to support his own weight. He could still feel Gojyo's body constricting around him, while his own cock pulsated relentlessly in response. They laid there in each others arms for an indeterminate amount of time, trying to catch their breath as the trembling in their bodies slowly began to subside.

“'Kai, I need ya to get up.” Gojyo begged. He was worn out and deflated, and the plastic around his cock was starting to feel real uncomfortable. It had to come off. Hakkai pushed himself to the side, into a kneeling position on the bed. Gojyo immediately pulled his condom off, and then Hakkai snatched it away from him before he could throw it on the floor. “Did you have to leave that thing on?” Gojyo asked, looking up at Hakkai who was taking his off as well. “You could've taken it off after you were done blowin' me.”

“Then I'd have to wipe semen off of both of our stomachs.” Hakkai politely replied with his typical smile. “It's easier to clean up this way.” Then he crawled off the bed and walked into the bathroom, rolling them both up in tissue before throwing it all in the trash. That way, no one needed to know what had been going on that day.

“Hey.” Gojyo called. “Why don't you come to bed with me? I mean... you know, we could really just go to sleep this time.”

“You already know why.” Hakkai replied, walking out of the bathroom. “What would happen if Goku came to wake us up in the morning? I think Sanzo would shoot us both. ”

“He never even aims that gun at you.” Gojyo pointed out. I think he'd probably only shoot me.

“I miss sleeping in the same bed too, Gojyo.” Hakkai confessed, walking over to sit on the edge of the bed. “A lot of things have changed since we started on this journey, haven't they?” Aside from the obvious change in sleeping arrangements, it was also quite an adjustment being around Sanzo and Goku all the time, not to mention the fact that they were often spending so much time driving around in poor, exhausted Hakuryu. Then there was the yelling, the fighting, the grocery shopping, and the constant demon attacks. “Adjusting to all of these changes hasn't been easy.” He concluded, leaning backwards and allowing himself to fall down onto the bed.

“Yer tellin' me.” Gojyo agreed, flopping down on the bed next to him. I don't see why you're complaining though. He thought, because Hakkai actually seemed to enjoy the company. Even with all the fuss they made about everything, it was probably better for Hakkai being here then being left at home alone while he went out to work the bars. I'm the one who's having the most trouble here.

Hakkai sighed softly and closed his eyes. After all that had gone on that day, he was truly exhausted. Fighting Chin Yiso, making the long drive to this town, the long, heart-felt discussion with Sanzo, and then making love to Gojyo like this. He had to wonder, “Was that alright... what we just did?”

“Oh, yeah... it was fine.”

“I thought you hated doing it slowly.”

“I said it was fine.” Gojyo insisted. Actually, that was... amazing. Even though, amazing wasn't really a strong enough word to describe it. It frustrated him that he could never seem to find the right words to say how something like this really felt. But he remembered those gentle kisses on his face, the warm embrace of his body, and the deep intimacy of such amorous penetration. Being loved like that was something he didn't even know how to talk about, even though he really wanted to say something about what it meant to him. I've been waiting for that sort of thing my whole life. He looked over at his lover lying next to him on the bed and wondered how Hakkai felt.

I bet you used to make love like this to her all the time, didn't ya? Gojyo thought. Being so tender and caring, he really couldn't imagine Hakkai holding a woman in any other way. I bet you spoiled her rotten too. He was sure that Hakkai probably did all of the cooking and cleaning as well. Gojyo could tell by the way Hakkai did things like that for him, that he'd done it before. I bet she didn't even have to lift a single finger unless she wanted to. To have someone doting on you constantly, it had been annoying to him at first. But, now that they were all out on this journey (which he liked to think of as the longest road trip in the history of mankind), he really missed it. But you know, I bet she loved every minute of it... just like I do.

In spite of his devoted nature, Hakkai seemed hesitant at times to express his feelings verbally. Rather, it was his constantly kind and caring actions that expressed how he truly felt about someone. Even if I don't know how to say it, I really do appreciate all the things you do for me. Gojyo thought. Like the way you made love to me just now. “Hey....” he called, rolling over to drape and arm around Hakkai's chest. “I love you too, ya prick.”

Hakkai smiled and laughed in genuine happiness. He found it adorable that Gojyo chose to express his feelings this way. “...and I love you, Gojyo.”